To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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