Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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