My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
