So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
