I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
