Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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