The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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