Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
