Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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