I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
