the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
