My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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