I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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