you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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