She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
