I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
