remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
