I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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