He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
