I think I won the penis lottery.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize