I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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