I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
