Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We need to rekindle our bromance
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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