Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
