Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
