Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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