I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
