Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
