he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
