he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
