You're so nebulous sometimes
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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