i was born a porn star she said
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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