oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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