why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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