if you like me you must not know who I am
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
