no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
