by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
