I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
MIDGETS
????
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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