At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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