the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
