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I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
