Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
