a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize