Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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