So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
