If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize