We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
