how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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