My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
