nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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