Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
