aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
