i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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