I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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