Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
