At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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