When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
