her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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