Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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