I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
