at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
