found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
