I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
