you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
