Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
