Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize