Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize