Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
