The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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