Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
