dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
