I love black thongs
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
