Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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