i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
