Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
