I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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