oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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