I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
