You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
