I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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