I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
