Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
