Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
