capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
