FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
