Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
