How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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