he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
