my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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