I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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