Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
