I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
