she looked like the bat from fern gully.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
