Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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