Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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