Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
