remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
