remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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