dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
