I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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