Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
